I finally got overwhelmed. I got a teaching job a little over a month ago, quit my job, switched cities, and traveled to various spots around the country before ending up back at my new little apartment--the first time I've been completely on my own. Even with all that, however, my step was lighter, my energy higher, and my joy exuding...something that had not happened for about two years.
No, it wasn't until today that I finally started to sink a little in my mind. My classroom is in shambles, and I have to have it up and running by next Friday night for open house. School starts the 23rd of August, but instead of letting us new teachers who have no idea what we want/need/are doing finish our classrooms, Anonymous ISD has us in training. Don't mistake me, some of it is really good stuff. It's just not being put into practice fast enough for us to remember any of it. Meanwhile, books and teaching supplies that people think we might want are being thrown at random into our already tornado-strewn classrooms at a rate faster than the economy's decline. Training until 3:30, and then classroom work until we drop out of sheer exhaustion.
So I, being the smart one, finally leave school at about 8:00 pm, my body aching in every part and hungrier than a bear waking up from hibernation. My priorities: shower, eat, drink sweet tea, start a blog. Mmmm...how did that last one get thrown in there? I finally took all the advice of various people in my past and decided that if I'm going to survive this year, I'm going to need an outlet. Most likely it will be full of sarcasm. Most likely I won't write every day, or even every week. But I will get my necessary outlet. No importa if no one reads it. It's for me. My first blog for me. Amazing feeling, really. Who knows? Maybe it will get turned into a book someday. The frustrations of first year teaching are just beginning. It wasn't my classroom that overwhelmed me, although that has enough problems of its own. It was the thought of the curriculum (the only thing we aren't receiving training on), and the centers, and the materials, and the assessments, and the pressure to raise every boy and girl in my class to a level that they most likely aren't ready for. I was ready for the challenge...until they started "training" me.
It's been said that new teachers are a precious commodity because we bring excitement into a career that gets dried out as the years go on. Right now I possess that excitement and ideas galore. I just hope it doesn't wear off. I keep hoping that if I remind myself of my struggle the last two years, I will be able to conquer any depression, overwhelmedness, or panic. We shall see. Only time will tell.
My highlight of the day: (I'm trying to have a highlight every day so I can keep positive) The windshield repair man almost gave me a premature heart attack. I have a crack in my windshield that has grown from about 9 inches to about 14 in the last couple of days. I had called glass places in July, and the best price I found was about $200 + tax. I was leaving town, so I didn't order anything, but I called the same glass place today and asked him to order it. Since I've had trouble with people giving me differing prices about different things before, I asked him to verify the price. He told me it would be about $425. I rarely lose my ability to talk, but this just happened to be one of those times. After a long silence he said, "Nah. I'm joking." I slowly began to breathe again and gave a nervous laugh. Then he said, "Ma'am, are you okay yet?" "My heart's still slowing down." I failed to tell him that I'm 24 and way too young to get a heart attack. There are certain professions where joking should be banned. Like airport security (it really shouldn't, it just is), plumbing, and windshield replacement work.
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